Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
