she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
