Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
