Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
