I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize