im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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