i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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