My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
