I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
