At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize