great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
