I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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