just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
