I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
