I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
that's an acceptable place to lick
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I love you. Go after that dick
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
