I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
