Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
