I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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