I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
