i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
