he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
