brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize