Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A bitchslap is in order.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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