Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
