my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
