I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
