Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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