I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
