why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
