Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
