the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
