Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
