Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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