Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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