at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
