Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
