All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
