in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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