Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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