also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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