I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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