my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
