your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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