wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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