So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
