I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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