Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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