soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So squirting runs in the family.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
