Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Terrible idea I love it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
