Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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