she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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