No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
