Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
