my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
