i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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