Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
