I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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