____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
