I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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