i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize