I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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