My hand turned me down
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
