So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize