If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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