The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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