Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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