No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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