it hurts more in the daytime
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
