Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
