I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
