hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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