i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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