just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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