i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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