after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
