Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
