Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
