Why are handjobs necessary in class?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
