Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
