i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Let's paint friendship bongs
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
