I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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