So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
