You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
