Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize