i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
