Sry I called you an 8
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Randomize
