the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize