I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
