walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
