New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
