So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Randomize
