Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
